Just Say “No!” May 22, 2013Expert BlogsOff

It may be an anti-drug campaign, but it ought to be a moniker for career women, too.

At a recent function, when I asked the CFO of a Fortune 100 how she was doing, she said, “I’m exhausted. I can’t seem to say ‘no.'” It’s a common affliction among successful women. In our zeal to help and please others, promote our companies and get everything done, when requests come in, it seems better to say yes.’

But here’s the rub: every time we say ‘yes,’ we also say ‘no’ to something else. When I said ‘yes’ to be at the important retirement soiree that night for long time KPMG partner and huge women’s advocate Christine St. Clare, I also said ‘no’ to dinner with my kids. When I say ‘yes’ to reading upcoming Little PINK Book stories and reviewing the P&L on Sunday, I say ‘no’ to a trip to the bookstore with my husband. When I say ‘yes’ to a late meeting on Monday afternoon, I also say ‘no’ to watching my son’s 5:45 baseball game.

While under a microscope and taking on bigger roles at work, women find themselves under pressure to do more and deal with the guilt of not being able to be everywhere at once. And women are still handling more than their share at home: reports indicate that women do 59 to 75 percent of care giving and spend 50 percent more time providing care than men.

“Women need to take time for themselves wherever they can to help them to relax and recharge,” says, Jodi Vangeiso,Chick-fil-A marketing director. How does she deal? She runs marathons (her first at age 40) and meets monthly with her book club, as she has done for 25 years.

We need diversions from the hectic pace of life and business. For me, rejuvenation comes from time with my extraordinary family and our animals – Lucy, our rescue cat, two miniature horses and newly adopted hens (Betty White, Princess Lay-a and Joanie who, while inspired by the red-headed beauty on Mad Men, turns out to be a rooster).

While it’s tempting to feel we should be networking or just plain working during these times, getting out of the box (think office/cubicle) and focusing on things outside of work clearly stimulates the mind, body and creativity in a different, healthy way. I believe it makes us better leaders and happier people.

The fact is, what defines us perhaps more than what we do are the things we too often inadvertently decide not to do. You don’t have to read The Alchemist to know: the greatest lie of all is that we are not in charge of our own destiny.

Still — sometimes it’s hard to find an hour to play or workout, so I’ve taken to lifting weights for five minutes each morning and another five on the trampoline. The neighbors may think I’m nuts, but I break a sweat and the bad habit of neglecting myself.

By Cynthia Good

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